Monday, February 23, 2009

Annoying Filipino Catholic Chain E-mails - Part 1

One of my wife's friends from nursing school days back in the Philippines has our e-mail address and has recently taken to forwarding chain e-mails to us. Since my wife never really uses e-mail, I am the one who ends up reading these damned things. Being the atheist that I am, I really have to suppress the urge to fire off a response to these silly things. After all, I wouldn't want to alienate my wife's friends, though it is quite a double standard that they can bombard us with Christian e-mail chains, but if I provide an atheist critique then I am upsetting the apple cart.

So, in order to give vent to my frustrations, I will reproduce and respond to them here.

Okay, here is the first one, followed by my responses in red:

IT IS STRANGE ISN'T IT...
how a 20 dollar bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, but such a small amount when you go shopping?

Uh, no, not really. Because when you spend money in a store, you are actually buying stuff that you need like food or gasoline. When you drop $20 in a collection box in church, you are not acquiring anything of value. And, when the price of gasoline was over $4.00 per gallon last summer, twenty bucks barely amounted to half a tank of gas.

Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you're at church, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie?

No, because church (at least mass at a Catholic church) is immensely boring whereas a good movie engages your senses.

Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying but.. you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?

What is this statement based on? Why does this person believe that one can't find a word to say when praying? When I was a Catholic, I knew exactly what I wanted to say when I prayed. As for talking with a friend, when you know someone well, you have common frames of reference and shared experiences. What a stupid question!

Isn't it strange how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel or ZANE GREY book?

Well, maybe because the Bible is a boring book to read. What possible relevance does the Book of Nahum have to my life?

Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Church?

Is this asshole seriously suggesting that nobody sits in the front row in Church? Comparing a sports stadium or a concert arena to a Catholic church is disingenuous. The former are much larger, and the further away you are the less involved you are in the action. Besides, it is physically impossible for everyone to sit in the back of Church.

Isn't it strangehow we need to know about an event for Church 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events in the last minute?

"Honey, my car broke down on the freeway. Can you come and pick me up?" "Sorry, I can't. I have a church picnic to attend in 15 minutes." Fucking stupid!

Isn't it strangehow difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others; but how easy it is to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?

What facts about God are there? Beliefs about God are not facts. The most one can say about God, if such an entity exists, is that it is too vast for the human mind to comprehend. Apart from that, what else can one say?

Isn't it strange how we believe everything that magazines and newspapers say but... we question the words in the Bible?

Who believes everything they read in the magazines and newspapers? I don't. And is this person seriously suggesting we shouldn't question the Bible?

Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven but... they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?

Sure, everyone likes the idea of a place where there is no suffering. But if such a place really exists, how do I know that you know what I need to believe, do, or say to get there?

Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mails and they are forwarded right away but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?

More like "Isn't it strange how I can have e-mail messages sent to me about God, but I have to think twice about replying with an atheist critique because it will offend everyone?"

IT'S STRANGE ISN'T IT?

No, the person who wrote these questions is strange.

Now that you've read this message, will you forward it to anybody that you consider a friend, family member or foe (enemy).

No, I will not.

If you choose not to share His message you may deprive yourself from being blessed as well as depriving others.... who may need God in their life.

Right. This God is supposed to be so powerful and intelligent and perfect, and yet His message is supposed to be conveyed to me by some idiot who asks stupid questions. I for one am not impressed.

12 comments:

RedFerret said...

E-mail filters, the way forward methinks (Mind you, then you deprive yourself [and us] of this great comedy - keep posting them).

I have gotten into the habit of posting back 1 reply to the sender of those e-mails that suggest you must forward an e-mail on to 6 people, (usually with a link to snopes.com and the e-mail's origin)when they allude to some urban legend (like the poem that when forwarded generates cash for cancer/heart charity etc). Wouldn't be applicable in this case, but feels satisfying when it is.

TRF

Danny Boy, FCD said...

Gah, those darn emails. I hate it when my friends forward me senseless nothings.

JD said...

Dude, cool post. Definitely blogroll-worthy, (when I sober up)

Andrea said...

I've mentioned that I get them too, but mine come from busybody Mexican women :/

PhillyChief said...

I almost feel deprived because I don't get such comedy delivered in my email.

Tommy said...

PhillyChief, I can forward them to you if you like!

Buffy said...

What a nutjob. I hate those stupid "we're so persecuted" chain e-mails.

Next up, whiny e-mails from white people crying about the good-old-days when they could treat blacks and Hispanics like trash in public without repercussions.

Stardust said...

We should think of an atheist chain email to send to out god-believing friends and family. That would be a lot of fun.

Tommy said...

Stardust, I have an idea for one, I just haven't gotten around to posting it. Hope to have it up by the weekend.

tina FCD said...

"an atheist chain email"

Great idea!

Anonymous said...

Do You interesting of [b]Female use of Viagra[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=http://listita.info/go.php?sid=1][b]Female use of Viagra[/b][/url]<<<[/size]

[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/1_valentine3.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/1_valentine3.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.png[/IMG][/URL]
[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!

Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!
[b]Description[/b]

Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also [url=http://twitter.com/jetlyca]q Buy Viagra Online[/url] you can find on our sites.
Generic [url=http://viagra.olistupa.ru]Viagra Super Active[/url] is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b]Viagra Concerns
Online Viagra Without Prescription
What About Viagra
g postmessage cialis subject post
Viagra Usage
viagra cialis levitra href page
Generic Viagra Soft
[/b]
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.

Anonymous said...

Do You interesting of [b]Female use of Viagra[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=http://listita.info/go.php?sid=1][b]Female use of Viagra[/b][/url]<<<[/size]

[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/viagra%2C%20tramadol%2C%20zithromax%2C%20carisoprodol%2C%20buy%20cialis/1_valentine3.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/viagra%2C%20tramadol%2C%20zithromax%2C%20carisoprodol%2C%20buy%20cialis/1_valentine3.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.png[/IMG][/URL]
[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!

Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!
[b]Description[/b]

Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also you can find on our sites.
Generic [url=http://viagra.wilantion.ru]Viagra 100mg pills[/url] is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b]On Line Viagra
Viagra I Sverige
why do i get viagra email
is viagra safe for dogs
andy griffith viagra
Levitra Cialis Viagra Compare
viagra eye side effects
[/b]
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.