Being a Long Islander, I suppose it is inevitable that some of my friends from high school on Facebook are big fans of the so-called Long Island Medium. These Facebook friends also identify themselves as being Roman Catholic.
So it was with interest that this afternoon on my lunch break while looking for any articles on the Internet about attempts to debunk her that I came across this little gem from the Long Island Catholic.
The author of the column, whose name is unknown to me, laments the "the popularity of a new TV show called “Long Island Medium” that has been airing for a few weeks on TLC."
So, what's the problem, according to the nameless Catholic columnist?
"The woman purports to be able to speak to the dead. This is problematic on a few levels, the most important being that it is a mortal sin to try to contact the dead."
Oh, and "The other problem is that she is not really believable as a medium."
Seriously? That's like telling someone at a restaurant, "The organic cheeseburger you've just been served contains enough e. coli bacteria to kill you in less than 24 hours. And by the way, the cheese they used isn't really organic."
But our intrepid Catholic columnist doesn't want to stray too far off topic.
"My intention... is to try to alert some of the people who consider themselves practicing Catholics and let them know that to use the services of a psychic, an empath, Reiki master, medium, psychic healer, or any occultist is to put your soul in danger. It amazes me to see how popular it is now to have a “reading” with these people who are at best stealing your money and at worst communing with demons."
Yep, it's bad enough all you suckers who go to fortune tellers that you're getting ripped off. Your tarot card reader might also be consorting with malevolent spirits!
In case you might not be giving this the consideration it's due:
"You might think that that is a serious exaggeration on my part but nothing could be further from the truth."
I suddenly thought of that scene from National Lampoon's Animal House where Donald Sutherland as the literature professor is telling his students that some of them still owe him a term paper as they bolt out of the class at the ring of the bell, causing him to blurt out "I'm serious! This is my job, you know!"
Lest you think the Catholic columnist does not have the requisite authority for his or her position, he/she adds this Bible verse:
“Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord” (Deut. 18:10–12, NIV)
That's right. Having a reading with the Long Island Medium is just as awful as burning one of your kids to death! It says so right there in the Bible! What more proof do you need?
So what's a Catholic who is feeling down in the dumps about the loss of a loved one supposed to do? Oh, that's easy! The Our Domestic Church columnist makes it plain and simple.
"If you are Catholic and need comfort and guidance your first stop should not be a TV medium or storefront psychic, it should be the Church."
I wonder how my Catholic Facebook fans of the Long Island Medium would react to this column. I strongly suspect they would ignore the columnist's exhortations and continue as they have before with their cafeteria Catholicism.
Showing posts with label Catholic lunacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Catholic lunacy. Show all posts
Monday, June 25, 2012
Saturday, October 01, 2011
God's Got a Lot of Buffers
Fans of the movie The Godfather Part II will no doubt recall the scene that inspired the title above.
One of the things about really devout Catholics is that they don't just pray to God. They are constantly calling on the Virgin Mary (also frequently referred to as Our Lady), or Saint This, That or The Other One to intercede with God on their behalf. There are a lot of saints in Catholicism. Heck, there's even a Patron Saint of Artillery.
One of my wife's cousins, who can hardly seem to write about anything on Facebook except religious nonsense (and who I suspect is not exactly playing with a full deck), is really into Padre Pio and promoted Pio as someone to whom directing intercessory prayers could really get some results.
So how does this intercessory prayer thing work? According to the New Advent web site, "The Catholic doctrine of intercession and invocation is set forth by the Council of Trent."
Here is what the Council had to say about intercessory prayer:
"the saints who reign together with Christ offer up their own prayers to God for men. It is good and useful suppliantly to invoke them, and to have recourse to their prayers, aid, and help for obtaining benefits from God, through His Son Jesus Christ our Lord, Who alone is our Redeemer and Saviour.
Prayer is offered to a person in two ways: one as though to be granted by himself, another as to be obtained through him. In the first way we pray to God alone, because all our prayers ought to be directed to obtaining grace and glory which God alone gives, according to those words of the Psalm (lxxxiii, 12): 'The Lord will give grace and glory.' But in the second way we pray to the holy angels and to men not that God may learn our petition through them, but that by their prayers and merits our prayers may be efficacious."
So, God is more likely to answer the prayers of Timmy's family to cure his cancer if the family pleads to scores of saints, who in turn will give the almighty their hearty recommendation? That sounds exactly like some autocratic monarch who only answers the appeals of his subjects if some influential minister at court has the monarch's ear.
I also came across a lot of this intercessory prayer stuff while reading the Spiritual Diaries of Ignatius of Loyola, or Iggy for short. Take this entry from February 15, 1544:
"Next on preparing to leave for mass, as I began to pray, I could feel, and was shown, our Lady, also how great had been my fault the previous day: I felt moved within and wept, for I seemed to be putting Our Lady to shame in having her intercede for me so often, because of my many failing. So much so that Our Lady hid from me and I found no devotion in her or higher than her. A little later, when I sought to go higher, as I could not find Our Lady (maybe she was hiding out in the Lady's Room?) a mighty impulse to weep and sob gripped me (Oh fuck! There he goes again with the weeping!) and I seemed to see or feel that the Heavenly Father showed Himself propitious and kind - to the point of making clear to me that he would be pleased if Our Lady, whom I could not see, would intercede."
On February 18, it got even more convoluted:
"A little later I wondered where I should begin and it occurred to me that it might be with all the Saints, putting my cause in their hands, so that they might pray to Our Lady and Her Son to be intercessors on my half before the Blessed Trinity."
In other words, Iggy wanted the saints to convince the Virgin Mary and Jesus to plead his cause to the Trinity. Talk about sending it up the chain of command. But the part that gets me is that Jesus is supposed to be one third of the Trinity, so isn't that like asking Jesus to plead to himself? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I can see why some people would find Protestantism more appealing, because it cut out the middleman, in this case, the Catholic Church and its legions of saints hanging around that Versailles in the sky.
Way back when I was a believing Catholic more than two decades ago, I don't recall ever praying to saints or even the Virgin Mary. Though I knew about some of the different saints, I never really gave it much consideration. When I prayed, which was often, I prayed to God only. Maybe that's why my prayers were never answered!
One of the things about really devout Catholics is that they don't just pray to God. They are constantly calling on the Virgin Mary (also frequently referred to as Our Lady), or Saint This, That or The Other One to intercede with God on their behalf. There are a lot of saints in Catholicism. Heck, there's even a Patron Saint of Artillery.
One of my wife's cousins, who can hardly seem to write about anything on Facebook except religious nonsense (and who I suspect is not exactly playing with a full deck), is really into Padre Pio and promoted Pio as someone to whom directing intercessory prayers could really get some results.
So how does this intercessory prayer thing work? According to the New Advent web site, "The Catholic doctrine of intercession and invocation is set forth by the Council of Trent."
Here is what the Council had to say about intercessory prayer:
"the saints who reign together with Christ offer up their own prayers to God for men. It is good and useful suppliantly to invoke them, and to have recourse to their prayers, aid, and help for obtaining benefits from God, through His Son Jesus Christ our Lord, Who alone is our Redeemer and Saviour.
Prayer is offered to a person in two ways: one as though to be granted by himself, another as to be obtained through him. In the first way we pray to God alone, because all our prayers ought to be directed to obtaining grace and glory which God alone gives, according to those words of the Psalm (lxxxiii, 12): 'The Lord will give grace and glory.' But in the second way we pray to the holy angels and to men not that God may learn our petition through them, but that by their prayers and merits our prayers may be efficacious."
So, God is more likely to answer the prayers of Timmy's family to cure his cancer if the family pleads to scores of saints, who in turn will give the almighty their hearty recommendation? That sounds exactly like some autocratic monarch who only answers the appeals of his subjects if some influential minister at court has the monarch's ear.
I also came across a lot of this intercessory prayer stuff while reading the Spiritual Diaries of Ignatius of Loyola, or Iggy for short. Take this entry from February 15, 1544:
"Next on preparing to leave for mass, as I began to pray, I could feel, and was shown, our Lady, also how great had been my fault the previous day: I felt moved within and wept, for I seemed to be putting Our Lady to shame in having her intercede for me so often, because of my many failing. So much so that Our Lady hid from me and I found no devotion in her or higher than her. A little later, when I sought to go higher, as I could not find Our Lady (maybe she was hiding out in the Lady's Room?) a mighty impulse to weep and sob gripped me (Oh fuck! There he goes again with the weeping!) and I seemed to see or feel that the Heavenly Father showed Himself propitious and kind - to the point of making clear to me that he would be pleased if Our Lady, whom I could not see, would intercede."
On February 18, it got even more convoluted:
"A little later I wondered where I should begin and it occurred to me that it might be with all the Saints, putting my cause in their hands, so that they might pray to Our Lady and Her Son to be intercessors on my half before the Blessed Trinity."
In other words, Iggy wanted the saints to convince the Virgin Mary and Jesus to plead his cause to the Trinity. Talk about sending it up the chain of command. But the part that gets me is that Jesus is supposed to be one third of the Trinity, so isn't that like asking Jesus to plead to himself? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I can see why some people would find Protestantism more appealing, because it cut out the middleman, in this case, the Catholic Church and its legions of saints hanging around that Versailles in the sky.
Way back when I was a believing Catholic more than two decades ago, I don't recall ever praying to saints or even the Virgin Mary. Though I knew about some of the different saints, I never really gave it much consideration. When I prayed, which was often, I prayed to God only. Maybe that's why my prayers were never answered!
Friday, April 22, 2011
What's the Difference Between Religious Filipinos and Crazy People?
Yes, it's Good Friday, and that means it's the time of year in that most Catholic country of the Philippines when a few dozen of the deeply devout and deluded reenact the crucifixion of Jesus Christ by literally having themselves nailed to a cross. However, they must be doing it wrong, because the picture above shows the nail being driven through the man's hand rather than by the wrist.
But interviews with some of the participants in this ghastly ritual suggests that there is more to it than mere religious devotion.
"I hope the Lord will grant my wish to make me win big in 'jueteng' this year," Alex Laranang, a 55-year-old food vendor who said he can't read or write, told Reuters before two 5-inch nails were driven into his hands on a scorching hot day.
Laranang, a father of five, said he had won 3 thousand pesos ($70) twice in the five years he had himself crucified on a cross.
Okay, so Mr. Laranang has had a 40% success rate in winning the lottery in the past five years. However, we do not have any statistics for the success rate of his non-crucified (is that even a word?) friends and neighbors who also may have won the lottery in the last five years. And three thousand Philippine pesos? Shit, I have 1,820 pesos in my filing cabinet left over from my last trip to the Philippines. I would have been happy to have given it to Mr. Laranang if it would have kept him from having himself nailed to a cross.
But maybe there's more to this crucifixion thing than winning the lottery. Health benefits, perhaps?
Roli Pantoja, a construction worker, said he felt much better after getting down from a wooden cross. This was his sixth crucifixion.
"I feel very fresh, like a new-born baby. I can't feel any pain," he said.
Damn! But if it feels so good, why only do it once a year? How about once a week? That way Mr. Pantoja can feel like a new-born baby all the time.
The Catholic Church in the Philippines officially condemns these crucifixion reenactments. After all, wasn't the whole point of the Crucifixion was that Jesus supposedly did it for us? I thought the message of Christianity was to take up the cross, not to be nailed to one.
Then again, the Catholic Church in the Philippines has more pressing issues, like opposing the Reproductive Health Bill.
A Catholic priest has set off a rumpus when he urged churchgoers during his homily to leave if they were supporters of the controversial reproductive health (RH) bill.
ABS-CBN in a report on its website quoted the priest as saying in a mix of Filipino and English: “If there is anyone in the Mass here who are pro-RH bill…please, go out. It’s useless.”
“What is this Mass for if you are pro-RH bill? What is going to Church for if you’re pro-RH bill?” Ilano was also quoted as saying.
I would be willing to pet my 1,820 pesos that at least some of the congregants who were in attendance at that mass were having adulterous affairs or engaged in other activities considered by the Church to be sinful. But the priest didn't say to his congregation, "If you are engaging in acts of adultery, thievery or corruption, please go out." No, instead he attacks those who support a piece of legislation which "promotes information on and access to both natural and modern family planning methods, which are medically safe and legally permissible."
Which leads me to my next question, why does an institution controlled by celibate men get to have so much say over matters involving the sex lives of other people?
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Catholic Curse of the Philippines - The Origin
A popular object of religious ridicule for a lot of us atheist bloggers is the annual Good Friday ritual in the Philippines wherein a number of extremely devout Filipino Catholics have themselves crucified in imitation of what they believe to be the sufferings of Jesus Christ.
I did a post last year on this topic, when Australian television personality Jonathan Safran participated in the crucifixion ritual in the Philippine village of Kapitangan and then found himself in trouble when the villagers learned that Safran had himself filmed undergoing the ordeal for a television comedy.
As I have remarked in previous posts, a lot of Filipinos are hard core in their Catholicism. It is quite common to see a small area of the house set aside for displaying all kinds of religious paraphernalia such as pictures of Jesus and the Virgin Mary, as well as candles and other such items. When Filipinos buy a new home, they have a priest perform a house blessing ceremony. In my wife's hometown of Tagbilaran on the island of Bohol, nearly all the jeepneys and tricycles have religious themed stickers or signs on their backs.
So, how did things end up this way?
Recently, I read a book about the voyage of the Portuguese navigator Magellan, who in the service of King Charles of Spain, attempted to sail west to reach the Spice Islands. The book, Over The Edge Of The World by Lawrence Bergreen, is well written and worth a read. When I read the following passage on page 43, describing the Spanish city of Seville, from whence so many of Spain's expeditions departed, I immediately thought of the Filipino crucifixion rituals:
[Seville] was also a city of faith, the home of the third largest church in the world, after Saint Peter's in Rome and Saint Paul's in London...The flame of the Catholic faith burned most brightly in Seville during Semana Santa, Holy Week, lasting from Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday, when solemn, almost frightening processions of religious penitents coursed through the city's narrow, winding streets and capacious squares. The penitents walked barefoot over the sharp stones and splinters embedded in the streets, bearing a wooden cross, their feet bleeding, displaying their wounds in emulation.
So, it seems, one can draw a line through time and space, from the village of Kapitangan in the Philippines to the 16th century city of Seville in Spain.
I did a post last year on this topic, when Australian television personality Jonathan Safran participated in the crucifixion ritual in the Philippine village of Kapitangan and then found himself in trouble when the villagers learned that Safran had himself filmed undergoing the ordeal for a television comedy.
As I have remarked in previous posts, a lot of Filipinos are hard core in their Catholicism. It is quite common to see a small area of the house set aside for displaying all kinds of religious paraphernalia such as pictures of Jesus and the Virgin Mary, as well as candles and other such items. When Filipinos buy a new home, they have a priest perform a house blessing ceremony. In my wife's hometown of Tagbilaran on the island of Bohol, nearly all the jeepneys and tricycles have religious themed stickers or signs on their backs.
So, how did things end up this way?
Recently, I read a book about the voyage of the Portuguese navigator Magellan, who in the service of King Charles of Spain, attempted to sail west to reach the Spice Islands. The book, Over The Edge Of The World by Lawrence Bergreen, is well written and worth a read. When I read the following passage on page 43, describing the Spanish city of Seville, from whence so many of Spain's expeditions departed, I immediately thought of the Filipino crucifixion rituals:
[Seville] was also a city of faith, the home of the third largest church in the world, after Saint Peter's in Rome and Saint Paul's in London...The flame of the Catholic faith burned most brightly in Seville during Semana Santa, Holy Week, lasting from Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday, when solemn, almost frightening processions of religious penitents coursed through the city's narrow, winding streets and capacious squares. The penitents walked barefoot over the sharp stones and splinters embedded in the streets, bearing a wooden cross, their feet bleeding, displaying their wounds in emulation.
So, it seems, one can draw a line through time and space, from the village of Kapitangan in the Philippines to the 16th century city of Seville in Spain.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
John Safran Gets Crucified in the Philippines
Uh oh! I decided to do some follow up reading on John Safran's crucifixion stunt in the Philippines this past Friday, and it looks like he has pissed off a lot of the locals.
DEVOUT Christian followers of Good Friday's crucifixion rituals in the rural Philippines village of Kapitangan were devastated to learn that John Safran's nailing to the cross alongside local penitents was a TV comedy show stunt.
Student Jhoan Caparas, 18, who saw Safran's crucifixion, said his actions had been disrespectful and immoral.
"Why does he want to come here and laugh at us? We don't laugh at his culture and his beliefs. So he should respect ours."
I'm sorry, but what the fuck is there to respect about having yourself nailed to a cross? What a bunch of backwards-ass supersitious weirdos!
Buboy Dionisio, nailed to the cross along with Safran, who was sporting a Monty Python-style wig, said he could not understand why the comedian and his producers had falsely claimed to be making a serious TV show.
The comedian and his crew - believed to be filming for an ABC TV series to be screened this year, John Safran's Race Relations - were threatened with deportation and forced to sign an affidavit pledging not to use footage mocking crucifixion rituals.
Kapitangan Village councillor Cleotilde Gaspar was shocked Safran was making a comedy show because he had "really been crucified with the nails going all the way through his hand".
"But if he is making fun of us and what we do that is very serious for us because for us it is not funny," she said.
Cleotilde Gaspar is right about one thing. What these religious fanatics are doing is not funny. It's sad and pathetic. Even if I were still a Catholic, I would still find what they do abhorrent. After all, isn't the whole point of the Crucifixion that Jesus is supposed to have suffered and died for us, rather than inspiring ersatz imitators?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Annoying Filipino Catholic Chain E-mails - Part 2
This particular one isn't as bad as the one below, but is more annoying in a way because it contains mostly commonsensical advice that does not require the God stuff mixed into it. Here goes:
This is the most beautiful advice I have ever received in an email ... Please don't close or delete this one before reading!
Fine, if you say so.
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'
An angel said that? Really? Which one? When?
1. Pray Why?
2. Go to bed on time. If I stop to pray, I might not get to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed. Sorry, I gotta press the snooze button two or three times.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health. No disagreement there. Though in the real world we don't always have that luxury. If you stop going to church, you might have some more free time.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others. Sure. Go to church and say my prayers for me so I don't have to.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life. I work full time, have two young kids, have a house to run, and my mother to take care of. I can't simplify and unclutter my life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.) Give me half of your money. That way you will have twice as much as before.
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places. Pure genius!
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together. No disagreement here.
10. Take one day at a time. Ditto.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it. There is no God to tell me what to do.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases. More simple commonsense. No need to bring God into the equation.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc. Ditto.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble. I guess that means I really can't tell you what I really think of these e-mails.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday. You're a dork! There, I did it.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line. Why the Bible when there are so many more interesting and informative books out there?
17. Get enough rest. As soon as I finish this blog post.
18. Eat right. Maybe the Bible would be useful if it contained some really good recipes.
19 Get organized so everything has its place. Come on, get real. Who has time for that?
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life. I can't. I need to pay attention to the road so I don't get into an accident and totally fuck up my quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations. That's what this blog is for.
22. Every day, find time to be alone. My wife is at work and my kids are in bed. I'm alone now.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray. All you really needed to do was write "Try to nip small problems in the bud." The rest was totally unnecessary.
24. Make friends with Godly people. I guess that means you don't want to be friends with me.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand. Why?
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus .' What has Jesus done for me lately?
27. Laugh. You make me laugh.
28. Laugh some more! Let's not get carried away now.
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all. I prefer the reverse, actually.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can). I forgive you for writing these stupid e-mails I keep getting.
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most). Perhaps. But some people are really just assholes.
32. Sit on your ego. If you say so.
33 Talk less; listen more. Okay.
34. Slow down. I wasn't going fast to begin with.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe. Why? It never occurs to me to think that I am.
36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAYOF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU. I'm grateful that the God of the Bible doesn't exist.
'If God is for us, who can be against us?' (Romans8:31) That's why the Philippines is such an economic success story, right? The only reason you're Catholic is because the Spanish got to your ancestors before the Muslims did. If the Spanish got there 100 years later, you would probably sending Muslim chain e-mails right now.
My instructions were to send this to four people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. I decided to send it to more than four, because I didn't want to limit blessings. So God, if He exists, isn't going to bless me unless you send me an e-mail?
SEND IT FORWARD PLEASE, Not backward! You do realize this is the 21st century, right? It's really long overdue that you put this silly, superstitious bullshit behind you.
This is the most beautiful advice I have ever received in an email ... Please don't close or delete this one before reading!
Fine, if you say so.
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'
An angel said that? Really? Which one? When?
1. Pray Why?
2. Go to bed on time. If I stop to pray, I might not get to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed. Sorry, I gotta press the snooze button two or three times.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health. No disagreement there. Though in the real world we don't always have that luxury. If you stop going to church, you might have some more free time.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others. Sure. Go to church and say my prayers for me so I don't have to.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life. I work full time, have two young kids, have a house to run, and my mother to take care of. I can't simplify and unclutter my life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.) Give me half of your money. That way you will have twice as much as before.
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places. Pure genius!
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together. No disagreement here.
10. Take one day at a time. Ditto.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it. There is no God to tell me what to do.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases. More simple commonsense. No need to bring God into the equation.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc. Ditto.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble. I guess that means I really can't tell you what I really think of these e-mails.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday. You're a dork! There, I did it.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line. Why the Bible when there are so many more interesting and informative books out there?
17. Get enough rest. As soon as I finish this blog post.
18. Eat right. Maybe the Bible would be useful if it contained some really good recipes.
19 Get organized so everything has its place. Come on, get real. Who has time for that?
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life. I can't. I need to pay attention to the road so I don't get into an accident and totally fuck up my quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations. That's what this blog is for.
22. Every day, find time to be alone. My wife is at work and my kids are in bed. I'm alone now.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray. All you really needed to do was write "Try to nip small problems in the bud." The rest was totally unnecessary.
24. Make friends with Godly people. I guess that means you don't want to be friends with me.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand. Why?
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus .' What has Jesus done for me lately?
27. Laugh. You make me laugh.
28. Laugh some more! Let's not get carried away now.
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all. I prefer the reverse, actually.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can). I forgive you for writing these stupid e-mails I keep getting.
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most). Perhaps. But some people are really just assholes.
32. Sit on your ego. If you say so.
33 Talk less; listen more. Okay.
34. Slow down. I wasn't going fast to begin with.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe. Why? It never occurs to me to think that I am.
36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAYOF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU. I'm grateful that the God of the Bible doesn't exist.
'If God is for us, who can be against us?' (Romans8:31) That's why the Philippines is such an economic success story, right? The only reason you're Catholic is because the Spanish got to your ancestors before the Muslims did. If the Spanish got there 100 years later, you would probably sending Muslim chain e-mails right now.
My instructions were to send this to four people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. I decided to send it to more than four, because I didn't want to limit blessings. So God, if He exists, isn't going to bless me unless you send me an e-mail?
SEND IT FORWARD PLEASE, Not backward! You do realize this is the 21st century, right? It's really long overdue that you put this silly, superstitious bullshit behind you.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Annoying Filipino Catholic Chain E-mails - Part 1
One of my wife's friends from nursing school days back in the Philippines has our e-mail address and has recently taken to forwarding chain e-mails to us. Since my wife never really uses e-mail, I am the one who ends up reading these damned things. Being the atheist that I am, I really have to suppress the urge to fire off a response to these silly things. After all, I wouldn't want to alienate my wife's friends, though it is quite a double standard that they can bombard us with Christian e-mail chains, but if I provide an atheist critique then I am upsetting the apple cart.
So, in order to give vent to my frustrations, I will reproduce and respond to them here.
Okay, here is the first one, followed by my responses in red:
IT IS STRANGE ISN'T IT...
how a 20 dollar bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, but such a small amount when you go shopping?
Uh, no, not really. Because when you spend money in a store, you are actually buying stuff that you need like food or gasoline. When you drop $20 in a collection box in church, you are not acquiring anything of value. And, when the price of gasoline was over $4.00 per gallon last summer, twenty bucks barely amounted to half a tank of gas.
Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you're at church, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie?
No, because church (at least mass at a Catholic church) is immensely boring whereas a good movie engages your senses.
Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying but.. you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?
What is this statement based on? Why does this person believe that one can't find a word to say when praying? When I was a Catholic, I knew exactly what I wanted to say when I prayed. As for talking with a friend, when you know someone well, you have common frames of reference and shared experiences. What a stupid question!
Isn't it strange how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel or ZANE GREY book?
Well, maybe because the Bible is a boring book to read. What possible relevance does the Book of Nahum have to my life?
Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Church?
Is this asshole seriously suggesting that nobody sits in the front row in Church? Comparing a sports stadium or a concert arena to a Catholic church is disingenuous. The former are much larger, and the further away you are the less involved you are in the action. Besides, it is physically impossible for everyone to sit in the back of Church.
Isn't it strangehow we need to know about an event for Church 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events in the last minute?
"Honey, my car broke down on the freeway. Can you come and pick me up?" "Sorry, I can't. I have a church picnic to attend in 15 minutes." Fucking stupid!
Isn't it strangehow difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others; but how easy it is to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?
What facts about God are there? Beliefs about God are not facts. The most one can say about God, if such an entity exists, is that it is too vast for the human mind to comprehend. Apart from that, what else can one say?
Isn't it strange how we believe everything that magazines and newspapers say but... we question the words in the Bible?
Who believes everything they read in the magazines and newspapers? I don't. And is this person seriously suggesting we shouldn't question the Bible?
Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven but... they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?
Sure, everyone likes the idea of a place where there is no suffering. But if such a place really exists, how do I know that you know what I need to believe, do, or say to get there?
Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mails and they are forwarded right away but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?
More like "Isn't it strange how I can have e-mail messages sent to me about God, but I have to think twice about replying with an atheist critique because it will offend everyone?"
IT'S STRANGE ISN'T IT?
No, the person who wrote these questions is strange.
Now that you've read this message, will you forward it to anybody that you consider a friend, family member or foe (enemy).
No, I will not.
If you choose not to share His message you may deprive yourself from being blessed as well as depriving others.... who may need God in their life.
Right. This God is supposed to be so powerful and intelligent and perfect, and yet His message is supposed to be conveyed to me by some idiot who asks stupid questions. I for one am not impressed.
So, in order to give vent to my frustrations, I will reproduce and respond to them here.
Okay, here is the first one, followed by my responses in red:
IT IS STRANGE ISN'T IT...
how a 20 dollar bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, but such a small amount when you go shopping?
Uh, no, not really. Because when you spend money in a store, you are actually buying stuff that you need like food or gasoline. When you drop $20 in a collection box in church, you are not acquiring anything of value. And, when the price of gasoline was over $4.00 per gallon last summer, twenty bucks barely amounted to half a tank of gas.
Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you're at church, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie?
No, because church (at least mass at a Catholic church) is immensely boring whereas a good movie engages your senses.
Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying but.. you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?
What is this statement based on? Why does this person believe that one can't find a word to say when praying? When I was a Catholic, I knew exactly what I wanted to say when I prayed. As for talking with a friend, when you know someone well, you have common frames of reference and shared experiences. What a stupid question!
Isn't it strange how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel or ZANE GREY book?
Well, maybe because the Bible is a boring book to read. What possible relevance does the Book of Nahum have to my life?
Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Church?
Is this asshole seriously suggesting that nobody sits in the front row in Church? Comparing a sports stadium or a concert arena to a Catholic church is disingenuous. The former are much larger, and the further away you are the less involved you are in the action. Besides, it is physically impossible for everyone to sit in the back of Church.
Isn't it strangehow we need to know about an event for Church 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events in the last minute?
"Honey, my car broke down on the freeway. Can you come and pick me up?" "Sorry, I can't. I have a church picnic to attend in 15 minutes." Fucking stupid!
Isn't it strangehow difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others; but how easy it is to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?
What facts about God are there? Beliefs about God are not facts. The most one can say about God, if such an entity exists, is that it is too vast for the human mind to comprehend. Apart from that, what else can one say?
Isn't it strange how we believe everything that magazines and newspapers say but... we question the words in the Bible?
Who believes everything they read in the magazines and newspapers? I don't. And is this person seriously suggesting we shouldn't question the Bible?
Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven but... they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?
Sure, everyone likes the idea of a place where there is no suffering. But if such a place really exists, how do I know that you know what I need to believe, do, or say to get there?
Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mails and they are forwarded right away but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?
More like "Isn't it strange how I can have e-mail messages sent to me about God, but I have to think twice about replying with an atheist critique because it will offend everyone?"
IT'S STRANGE ISN'T IT?
No, the person who wrote these questions is strange.
Now that you've read this message, will you forward it to anybody that you consider a friend, family member or foe (enemy).
No, I will not.
If you choose not to share His message you may deprive yourself from being blessed as well as depriving others.... who may need God in their life.
Right. This God is supposed to be so powerful and intelligent and perfect, and yet His message is supposed to be conveyed to me by some idiot who asks stupid questions. I for one am not impressed.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The Philippines and the Curse of Catholicism
By way of Al Jazeera, of all places, comes this report, with accompanying video below, about the influence of conservative Catholicism in preventing poor families from access to birth control in the Philippines. This one is sure to set your blood to boiling.
The chief villain in this report is Lito Atienza, the current environmental minister and former mayor of Manila who "issued an order eight years ago that effectively banned city-funded health centres from providing modern contraceptives such as condoms, birth control pills and sterilisation."
"The central government has been more intent on promoting natural methods of family planning then modern contraceptives, for which services are left largely to the whim of local councils."
It baffles me, this Catholic insistence on "natural" methods of family planning, like the "rhythm method." If these whackaloons like Lito Atienza are against artificial methods of birth control, like condoms and pills, then why not extend such consideration to all aspects of their lives? Maybe they should refrain from riding in cars or airplanes. After all, automobiles and airplanes are not a "natural" way of getting around. Try walking instead. And you might want to get rid of those telephones and cell phones too. Those are artificial means of communicating with people. Oh, and don't even get me started on e-mail and text messages! But seriously, why should matters of contraception and sexuality be the only realm where human invention may not be applied?
In defense of the high rate of population growth in the Philippines, Atienza cites the booming economies of China and India. Is this clown seriously suggesting that the Philippines needs a billion people to become an economic success story? And to think he is the country's minister for the environment! Evidently, Atienza has never heard of China's "One Child Policy" or of India's efforts to control its population growth (though I wish to point out that I personally do not condone the coercive aspects of China and India's population control programs.)
Then there is this amusing nugget from Atienza:
"So it's not within the powers of man to prevent the birth of a child simply because of material reasons. Who knows – the life you are preventing could be the saviour of not only the Philippines, but the whole of mankind."
This is stupid on so many levels. By simply abstaining from sex, one is preventing the birth of a child.
Besides, the last so-called savior of mankind was supposedly conceived when the creator of the universe impregnated a virgin Jewish teenage girl in the Galilee a couple of thousand years ago. If some Filipina woman is designated by God to be the happy recipient of the next savior, is Atienza seriously suggesting that a birth control pill can thwart the will of this all-powerful deity?
The chief villain in this report is Lito Atienza, the current environmental minister and former mayor of Manila who "issued an order eight years ago that effectively banned city-funded health centres from providing modern contraceptives such as condoms, birth control pills and sterilisation."
"The central government has been more intent on promoting natural methods of family planning then modern contraceptives, for which services are left largely to the whim of local councils."
It baffles me, this Catholic insistence on "natural" methods of family planning, like the "rhythm method." If these whackaloons like Lito Atienza are against artificial methods of birth control, like condoms and pills, then why not extend such consideration to all aspects of their lives? Maybe they should refrain from riding in cars or airplanes. After all, automobiles and airplanes are not a "natural" way of getting around. Try walking instead. And you might want to get rid of those telephones and cell phones too. Those are artificial means of communicating with people. Oh, and don't even get me started on e-mail and text messages! But seriously, why should matters of contraception and sexuality be the only realm where human invention may not be applied?
In defense of the high rate of population growth in the Philippines, Atienza cites the booming economies of China and India. Is this clown seriously suggesting that the Philippines needs a billion people to become an economic success story? And to think he is the country's minister for the environment! Evidently, Atienza has never heard of China's "One Child Policy" or of India's efforts to control its population growth (though I wish to point out that I personally do not condone the coercive aspects of China and India's population control programs.)
Then there is this amusing nugget from Atienza:
"So it's not within the powers of man to prevent the birth of a child simply because of material reasons. Who knows – the life you are preventing could be the saviour of not only the Philippines, but the whole of mankind."
This is stupid on so many levels. By simply abstaining from sex, one is preventing the birth of a child.
Besides, the last so-called savior of mankind was supposedly conceived when the creator of the universe impregnated a virgin Jewish teenage girl in the Galilee a couple of thousand years ago. If some Filipina woman is designated by God to be the happy recipient of the next savior, is Atienza seriously suggesting that a birth control pill can thwart the will of this all-powerful deity?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)